so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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