he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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