:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
