i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
