Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
