I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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