He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
