you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
