every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
