he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
