just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
