Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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