I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
