you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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