my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
