I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Couch. On fire.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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