God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
