I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Alive.
So much puke
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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