Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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