We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
