we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
