Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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