I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
