just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
