i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He has the fingertips of a God
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