smell my finger.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
