$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
