Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
