I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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