Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
