There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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