are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
