he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
