Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
