honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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