I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
