Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
