AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
