Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
