Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
