I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
