If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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