then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
