I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
