The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
