Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
