I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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