**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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