Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
