And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
