the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
