Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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