I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
