a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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