First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
