So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
