My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
