I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
