My first STD was from a foam party
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
