Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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